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Toddler boy having a tantrum.

Young kiddos are still finding their words and understanding their emotions. It can be hard to find the correct reaction when they lash out physically through hitting or kicking. 

Obviously, we want to express to them that aggressive behavior like hitting and kicking is not to be tolerated. But it’s important for us to look at more than just the bad behavior itself. 

As parents, we have to learn how we can help our children avoid lashing out with hits and kicks. I hope these tips that I use might be helpful to you, too.

Immediate Actions

To start, what immediate actions can we take when our child becomes aggressive? 

This could be one child hitting or kicking another. It can also look like a kiddo getting really worked up and hitting or kicking a caregiver or items around the home

 Sometimes the hitting or kicking could be a burst of energy that the child just doesn't know what to do with. 

Stay Calm

 As parents, we have to stay calm and regulate ourselves. The more regulated we are, the more likely our little ones are to reciprocate when their nervous system is overwhelmed. Our calm transfers to them. It was once framed to me this way by another mom: “They aren’t giving us a hard time. They are having a hard time.” 

Here’s how I try to handle it.

 Once I’ve taken a deep breath and prepared myself to stay calm, I move closer to my little guy. This is just to keep him contained, make sure there is nothing that could hurt him if hit or kicked. I get down to his level so we can look at each other.

 What I really want to avoid is yelling from across the room or meeting his energy or aggression level. 

Depending on what exactly is going on, I try a couple different things. If my kiddo hit the dog, for example., I might get in close and calmly communicate that we don’t hit. I also model a gentle or soft touch to give him another opportunity to practice the correct response.

Tantrums

 If my kiddo is overwhelmed or possibly having a “tantrum,” I want to be sure he’s safe. If it appears he might hurt himself, I can gently but firmly hold him without any yelling or punishing to stop the action. 

Once my child is regulated and feeling a bit better, I remind him of my expectations. It is important to be straightforward and concise. I avoid lecturing or over explaining. When our kiddos are overstimulated, they aren’t in a place to be able to take in or process a lot of information. So, I’m direct and concise: “We don’t hit. Hitting hurts.” 

Redirect

From there, I try to redirect my little one. This could be as simple as giving him another outlet for his aggression or pent-up energy.

 When my kiddo starts swinging his arms, my first instinct is to direct him to the couch or bed, whichever is closer, to give him something soft to hit. 

I believe a lot of my kiddo’s aggression stems from having too much energy and no idea what to do with it. After he finishes punching the couch cushions, I know it's probably time for some sort of active game like an obstacle course in the backyard! 

Naming Emotions

And as for working to prevent this behavior in the future, I’m trying to help my little guy name his emotions.

 “Are you feeling angry because daddy had to leave to go to work and can’t keep playing?” This can help him gravitate towards expressing hisfeelings verbally because he has the words to identify them.

 If I feel my kiddo starting to get a bit more escalated, I try to think back to what the source could be. Does he need his nap? A snack? Time in a less stimulating environment? I try to address the need to help avoid the behavior later. 

We aren’t mind readers, and we are all just doin’ the best we can! That’s a fact. I hope my experiences might help provide some insight that will help you keep your kiddo and household just a little bit calmer. 

Sophie Hamel is a freelance writer and works in advocacy for victims of interpersonal violence. Her son is almost three years old.

Luminous removes the hassle of arranging for tuition vouchers and helps make childcare affordable. Vouchers can help ease your financial stress. Learn more about qualifying for HRA and ACSvouchers at our Bronx and Brooklyn centers. Payment can also be made by SEIU/1199 Child Care, check, credit card, and through the Luminous reimbursement program. Contact Luminous Early Childhood Learning Center at enrollment@luminouschildcare.org or call us at 929.228.1180.

Happy little African American boy in a pumpkin patch in autumn,

Hi, parents, and happy October! I’m so happy to celebrate my favorite season of the year. It's that time of year for fall fun with little ones. Here are some autumn- and Halloween-themed suggestions to keep your little one entertained.

As always, we are keeping these as simple as can be. Let’s get started! 

Squishy Fun

First is an activity that is great for our really tiny humans. If you plan to carve pumpkins, don’t throw away the guts of the pumpkin.

Instead, toss them in a gallon zip lock bag to create a super simple and squishy sensory activity for those 12-24-month-olds.

This way they are still involved in the pumpkin carving, but in a safe way. And this allows us parents to really focus on our own pumpkins, am I right? 

Pumpkin Washing

Another idea for our little littles is a pumpkin washing station. To keep it really simple, go for smaller pumpkins. You’ll need to grab a container, fill it with warm soapy water, and make sure there you’re set up in an area that is protected from the splashing or is OK to get wet.

Our three- and four-year-olds can really get involved in the activity by washing everyone’s pumpkins before the carving begins! 

With larger pumpkins, skip placing them in water. Instead, just give your little one a couple of washcloths and some warm soapy water. This way they can wipe down all the pumpkins, and get them nice and clean for carving. But you don’t have to find a giant tote to fill with water either. 

Sensory Bin

Another easy peasy sensory activity for our littles ones is a fall-themed sensory bin.

You could use multicolored dry pasta, pinecones, smooth acorns, or even some leaves. There is basically no mess when it comes to this activity since everything is pretty large and we parents love to hear that.

Give this one a try and let me know how it goes and how long your kiddo stayed engaged in the activity. 

Hunting for Decorations

This next one, I just did with my kiddo over the past weekend, and we had such a good time. I realized, I didn’t have any Autumn or Halloween decorations for our house! As such a huge fan of this time of year, that did not sit right with me. Lack of storage space keeps me from holding onto a lot of decorations, other than those we have for Christamas. 

So, I asked my kiddo if he wanted to go to the thrift store to pick out some decorations. Surprise, surprise, his response was “NOW?” It just so happened we had a few free hours before I had to go to work. So, I said “Sure!” and we were off. 

We headed over to our local Goodwill. I really tried to let him pick out the things he thought would be cute for our little home. He found some pumpkin string lights (LOVE), tealight candle holders (one black cat, a pumpkin, and a little ghost), a wooden pumpkin door hanger, and the cutest little stuffed pumpkin with a black top hat and black and white striped arms and legs. They are absolutely perfect.

Extra tip: Bring something to donate to the thrift store. Most thrift stores offer a coupon for making a donation. So not only was everything pretty cheap in the first place, we also got 20% off! We spent a total of only $10. And we had a great time doing it. 

But, the fun didn’t stop there. We still get to go home and decorate with our super fun finds. 

There you have it, friends! Easy peasy autumn activities to incorporate when you’ve got the time.

I hope they are just as much fun for you as they were for me. Let me know how it goes!

Sophie Hamel is a freelance writer and works as a crisis responder. Her son is a 3½-year-old preschooler.



Luminous removes the hassle of arranging for tuition vouchers and helps make childcare affordable. Vouchers can help ease your financial stress. Learn more about qualifying for HRA and ACS vouchers at our Bronx and Brooklyn centers. Payment can also be made by SEIU/1199 Child Care, check, credit card, and through the Luminous reimbursement program. Contact Luminous Early Childhood Learning Center at enrollment@luminouschildcare.orgor call us at 929.228.1180.