When our little ones behave aggressively or in ways we don’t find appropriate, it can be tempting to put them in time out. However, time outs could have more negative consequences for our babies. Time outs can be damaging for young children with long-term impacts on their emotional health.
So, what’s so bad about time out?
More Stressed and Isolated
First, time outs don’t do what they are intended to do. The goal of the time out is to address a specific action by the child that was not acceptable. But time out instead can lead to children feeling more stressed out or anxious because they are alone trying to manage their big emotions in isolation.
Young children can perceive Isolation as having lost their parents’ love. That can fracture that attachment relationship that has been built.
Time out also can exacerbate the original action that caused the time out. While sitting alone, they might feel resentful and continue to behave the same way because of this.
Time out can instill a belief in our little ones that they are “bad” and lowers their self worth.
Calming Corners
So, what is a better option? You might have heard of a calming corner.
It might sound like a watered-down version of time out, but I promise there is a lot more to it.
The purpose of the calming corner is to support a child while they are trying to manage their big emotions. Children are not automatically going to understand how to regulate their emotions. As their caregivers, we can set them up for success in life by starting early and providing the tools, environment and support to start self regulating early.
A calming corner consists of a dedicated space with a comfy place to sit, such as pillows or a beanbag, sensory toys like fidgets or weighted stuffies, and soft or dim lighting. You can include some age-appropriate books about feelings or informational posters showing different types of emotions or breathing techniques.
The calming corner offers your kiddo a specific safe space to turn to when they are feeling overstimulated and encourages them to be independent in their choice of which tool or toy to use for emotional regulation each time.
Processing Emotions
Over time, the calming corner can become a great help in handling negative emotions in our little ones. It will encourage children to process their emotions while not feeling shame around them.
You might even see a reduction in the number of tantrums you’re dealing with each week.
If you want to introduce a calming corner in your home, here are some tips:
- Introduce the calming corner when your kiddo already calm and can become acquainted with the area. If you try to introduce the corner when they are already dysregulated, it may be perceived as a punishment.
- Guide your child through the different sensory items, such as books, posters, fidget toys and stuffies.
- Explain that the child gets to choose which item to use. Maybe even go over breathing techniques like five-finger breathing so that you can implement it later.
Long-term Success
Tantrums can be extremely frustrating for us parents, but for children who haven’t had much practice at emotional regulation, those big feelings can be scary. A calming corner might seem like a little thing, but it can make a big difference for your little one.
And that change now also can help later when your child is older and having to handle emotional regulation out in the world.
The consequences of having disproportionate reactions to certain situations or individuals can create long-term issues for adults. So let’s start early and set our babies up for success by working on emotional regulation as soon as we can. You’ve got this!
Sophie Hamel is a freelance writer and works as a crisis responder. Her son is three years old.
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