Does your child bite? My almost 3-year-old son has gone through that stage, and it’s frustrating – and painful! When biting by young children becomes an ongoing problem, it needs to be addressed, no matter the reason.
What’s the best way to do this? As always, remain calm and consistent!
Biting by young children can be a form of communication, especially for little ones who might not have the right words to express their frustration or excitement.
Biting also might be related to a power struggle. For example, one child bites another to secure the toy they wanted to play with. Or biting could be due to overstimulation, a child is exhausted, overwhelmed, or hungry.
Keep It Simple
As with most things with our kiddos, it’s best to be as consistent as possible. We don’t want them thinking if they continue that they could get a different outcome.
You could respond with, “No biting. Biting hurts.” Then focus your attention on making sure the victim of the biting is OK.
This helps enforce to your child that biting is not rewarded with positive attention.
Once you are able to return your attention to your child, it is okay to validate how they are feeling. Acknowledge that they could be feeling upset or frustrated.
But always maintain that biting is never OK.
Learn From the Moment
Next, attempt to turn the situation into a learning moment. Offer an alternative to biting.
For example, if your child bit another child who stole the toy your child was playing with, you could suggest finding a safe adult to help address the other child.
Or, if your child is comfortable, he could tell the other child that he was still playing with the toy and he’ll share when he’s ready to play with something else.
It’s great to find any opportunity to show our kiddos how to communicate using our words.
Take a Break
If it seems like maybe the biting was sourced from overstimulation, address that. Maybe your kiddo is exhausted and needs a break to lay down. Maybe it’s too loud, and your child was just feeling really uncomfy.
After addressing the cause of the overstimulation, you can remind your little one to find a parent or teacher who can help them move to quiet space or take a break from the current activity.
Never Use Physical Punishment
Don’t bite your kiddo back! That will just enforce the idea that biting is acceptable in some circumstances.
Remember to never address behavioral problems with physical punishments.
Also, always supervise your kiddo during play time with other children, especially during high stress times like when there are a lot of children present.
More Guidance
At what point should we as parents reach out for professional guidance?
If it seems like your child is not growing out of this phase or it’s escalating, there could be another reason or stressor causing the misbehavior. If the biting is accompanied by other aggressive behavior, it could be time to ask your pediatrician for suggestions.
You also can try opening up to your parent-friends. A lot of parents deal with a lot of the same things. It’s OK to talk about things that are challenging us as parents.
Keeping those parts of our thoughts bottled up can create even more pressure, and other parents might have great advice for you!
And utilize your village. Ask your own parents, aunts, uncles, cousins how they handled the challenges of parenting. It can be hard to ask, but try to accept the support when you can. We can all use it!
Sophie Hamel is a freelance writer and works in advocacy for victims of interpersonal violence. Her son is almost three years old.
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